Stealing From The Dead

In the broad history of blatant frauds i had always wished i could remember how to breathe. My youth of calamitous relationships with breath helped to distance myself from that particular skillset. Please though you should really take a look at my resume. Its a vainglorious lack of effort committed lackadaisically to paper. Well it would be on paper if i wanted to pay the small fee to get it printed. Therein lies the issue my enemy the distance. It is all the distances fault. The meager paced between words and action. And this is the culture place and time for some glorious monuments to that. I waltz these dirty floors and i am slowly beginning to not care about my flaws. You have slipped through the cracks of this poorly painted wood floor. I am scared that the memories created in your voices inflection could trigger bad things. That is why i let you plummet. Wait a friggin armadillo of a second you aren't plummeting your flying and i see your wings. Just what i thought and that is why i tend to avoid thinking of you. Give me a medal or a ribbon because i feel like i am doing quite good at this whole endeavor. The winter is waiting at the door but this is the most uncomfortably hot i have been in a long time. There are a bunch of dead ends i would like to ride my bike around in. Well i would like to see some new vistas and streets. But these well trodden paths are good enough for the moment. Where though do these mistakes and lies lead? I can't see anywhere except disappointment. Wait that is just my reflection in your eyes. I read the definition of love in spoken form and i realized your lack of it. Should have noticed it there. It doesn't start that way and i must realize that. Or else i will be here again.

The Mouths of Corpulent Corpses

In this place the gold glided never land of me sweating through my knee high socks hating every second of this. Every time i enter this land i get scared. I wasn't born into this shit hole but i have found myself a nice niche to groove up in. That is what i do. They call me from the wilds of the plains and ask what i am doing. Or where am i going. All i say is that usual refrain. They don't know the truth of it though because they wouldn't be able to understand this level of nothing. Nihilism in its most localized form. Dead eyes. Dirty shirts.Just fucking giving up on it if it doesn't serve you right. Negligence for all those previously held positions and i do feel bad. But who the fuck cares you are a speaking to a man who lays an idea out in his head and then decides consciously to fuck that shit up as seriously as possible. And sure as shit i fuck that shit up. It lingers in memory at the mere edges. It makes one reconsider their teenage fetishes. If this were a classical symphony where would i be. What would be my place in this god?

Lower duodenum. The last place one expects a full frontal attack to occur. But when it does you give me a call and tell me how bad your gut hurts. So i will tell you a story. And i make sure everyone gathers near because i am getting paranoid in my old age. I was in the depth of something deeply empty. But that is where you find yourself when you die emotional next to the empty husk of a former love. Oh the month of August. But it got even worse. My mind was unoccupied and turned to worse things like the drink and the fears of racing minds. But it was days of nothing and the unwilling cold turkey cure was hurting my soul. But it was all i had at those moments. So i dealt with it and that meant beer. That scares you what the fuck ever. Someday you will actually care for someone other then yourself. But i don't see that occurring anytime soon.

It was the hottest breakfast i had been to since that one time we woke simultaneously in the person we hurts home. We stared then went and got food. But then you made up for that lack of an exciting day. Your mind wandered and you worried if i had still remembered the sins against nature we had committed. Laugh laugh laugh. There was a come on to my very livelihood. And i took the bait like a fish waiting for dreams or just to get laid. At that time i didn't know. I was deep in the mountain. Laughing socially with this tribe that assembles on the occasions of holidays of their making or holy days of our makings. And i wonder occasionally about years from now because i would never be able to stare it in the face and deny the possibility for fun. Unless there was a girl involved. You know how that goes. I was trying to be more sociable but who cares about friends when there are nudes involved. I looked them over with an artful eye and decided that we should go out for dinner some time soon. Did this slutty gesture work on me? You can bet it did young woman. So perhaps we can turn this digital dance into a digital prance ending in my pants locked into your pants. I hope they don't spray us with a hose to get us unlocked. I won't leave! I don't wanna go! I gotta learn to say no! But you are such a ho and i am just a lonely frustrated man who has once or twice forgotten what was in front of me and remembered worse stuff. I swear it was just to make the time pass. Or possibly to make it better.

Frankly if you want to be honest. You are a schizo in that department and possible all of life. Because if there was a list and i had to choose places. Not that i would do that because oh who am i kidding. I did it and i made a list. And for me all that seemed as worth as much as the good times i masturbated. Damn what a waste of time. That i will never get back. And should have taken if i weren't stupid. Well as they say you live and you learn or you don't live long.

It Is Moving So Fast

There were questions that didn't not to be answered. But it was place in due time where such things occur much to the chagrin of many. You should have been there it was golden dream. Do i have a clue of what i am talking about? Hell no I am so lost amidst the stars of seclusion and reckless delusion. This story seems so familiar. Like when i have dreams about garlic or bulk bins in the vast endless health food stores of my mind. Seriously where did i go wrong on my quest? I must meet my future halfway or else i will fail to deliver myself to a future self. Its all so precarious! The wonders of debate make me worry if this is all a infinite loop. Am i stuck in a hallucination from that one and only night. Watching bad movies and then their sequels. That dirty green lil devil. It was a long time ago. Twenty excursions later. I lost a love because of it in addition to the endless procession of brain cells which marched dumbfounded into a swirl of colors akin to a roller coaster. Good times. Lunch breakfast dinner and late night snack it didn't matter. I was a restless soul epitomized in a skull. Deluded to my own lack of worth. There were brown paper bags covering the sky. The stars were pinholes. See it is all a loop just look moderately deep and you will see its faint footsteps going in circles. Like my saviors footprints on the beach. Oh wait that was just me walking in circles head upward watching the starry pinwheel of all that fancy bullshit in the sky spin endlessly. Well unless till the was there but two hundred feet away in the daytime crying watching inch high waves crashing on sheets of ice welded to the sand. The cacti had some stuff to say but i wasn't that cartoonish to believe their trite talk it was worse the bullshit it was nullshit. Nothing in a steaming pile. Emanating the hollow stench of nothing to nobody. Uh oh that was a death right there. So they built a monument to me that time i hiccuped in the bathroom. It was probably a brain fart. All i remember is not remembering anything from there on out. Till it was all synced up. It is uncomfortable even thinking about. That is where this mundane dreams come into the story. Too late but not soon enough. That was a weird time in a life i once had. Now I smell worse and the inside of my pockets are black. I still don't work that much but the flaneur life is rough. Like my habit of shaving with one disposable razor for upwards of a year. Mind you i shave every three to four days. Its that olive eating heritage it makes my face wolfish. But yeah so if i look at it all subjectively it was all that that made me a man.

Alone Surrounded By All This

It is a strange scenario that i surely do not fully understand. How can this be so true? This place is always filled to the brim with all sorts of souls. But today its just me all alone treading everyone's paths without them to see. It strange but like everyone else i am just so much more comfortable in this ghetto. The world of the overstuffed and glassy eyed scares me. It prompts thoughts from as lame and uninspired as murder to grander dreams like humanicide. The annihilation of this cancer of an animal then reclining in a lazy boy with an ice cold glass of limeade. I hope I will fall asleep and there will be no need to dream because i will already be there so delicately reclined. If it needs to be messy then so be it. It just goes to show that i could care a little bit less. I am getting back into this thoughtlessness that haunted my aimless youth. I have few plans and just a few things to do. So if this train could wreck itself already that would be just delightful for me. The only party involved in this place. All alone.

But this all begs the small but yearning question when will i sort it all out. Can i make it on my own? Or do i need a muse with a figure that makes me believe in some sort of divine architect who has some semblance of good taste. But class is too and so much to imagine right now. Let us just stick with what we know. The immediate bullshit of this confusion called a short span of time. It was some time ago and maybe I'll get there again. It isn't going to happen like this in solitude. Well it could as in the first things but as for the other scenario you catch my drift? But this isn't working. Then again why should it unemployment pays well. I want moments of beginnings and i want to treasure them. Or hell i may just want sex. I lied i am not a young man. I am so old and sick. I am definitely tired. If i could have one glimpse of my future I'd want it right now. I would have to ask for a shot of me and her a someone i don't know yet. Taken from the ceiling through the spinning blades of a ceiling fan. On a humid and painfully sunny day. I will not wake. That is all i can promise.

That Song Was Right

This place is a garbage dump piled high with human trash. The waste that paces the shitty sidewalks glittering with broken glass. The trash never gets taken away here it just lies in the gutter and rots. In the distance there is a gleaming city but it is all for naught. Whats the point of dreams if we are all fallible?

We are just the lab rats and it is mandated so. They must do this and must do that but it mustn't never show. Here is your cure for pellegra in the poisons that you eat. Enriched so you can live and we can stay rich. So i am vacationing in the refuse. Refusing to be what i fear. Avoidance is a dance best danced drunk and unaware. I am tried and i want to be true but ya know how that goes. The urges to argue and runaway pull me to and fro. This singsong bullshit is trite and its pissing me off to know end. But it is a lazy Sunday and the beers are coming quick. I mustn't think of you or i for fear i might get sick.

It Was So Cold That Summer

What does it matter? All bruised in repose listening to the way our lives used to smell and feel. Guess I am a shitty writer but at least i have a nice haircut. But then i am here and all of that is gone. Yet I feel it lingers. But its all indecipherable. And i listen to your voice all alone calling out in the universe of saved and recorded media. You thought and it was a bunch of thoughts you would regret later. Forsake it all that title ends and the next begins. One after another. All we offer witness to is construction and destruction. This aural fainting you once resigned yourself to. Before you found something better to express an excess of not knowing who you are. I had to have that explained to me. A lot of times. You were there and it was a distance relegated in the best of terms. A crappy nineties pop rock band. So a few door down. And all i did was stay enraptured in a distant embrace. It was a dirty mirror and i always saw my face. Your bits of songs and poetry. Touching barely to places you were too afraid to go. I wonder how you so easily wander to and fro. From this to that. I am still and still here. A different place and years later. I am perfectly alike every envisioning i never had. Cause when i was young i was right. And now i am left with nothing but a lot of somethings i should of been. But i split mere seconds prior into this, me you know that old here and now shit. You were a babbling brook always broke and filled with a bored grief. In the melancholy city you once felt happiness. But hell this city kills in any way it can. Its hard to embrace and face. This space is place. Its only urge is to erase.

This Party Sucks

This process of losses it seems life is just a brutal form of subtraction sometimes. You know it is all downhill when a mystical experience tells you the point of life is to clean. But it all fits into my metaphor about the decline and fall of keggers. Its a long story and I've told it so many times to so many people so i don't utter a word lest i become repetitive. Bleary eyed decades later in the shell of prefab grandeur i will emerge more grander then they could have foreseen. Well i will only be beautiful if you are like me and watch Mad Max for fashion tips. I accept my life role of cleaning up after parties. Because sure last night was fun but I'm more into the solitude of picking up beer cans of walls wandering and wondering what the hell happen in our collective party induced delirium. It is like a puzzle game. My guess is that the culprit was the industrial revolution in the world stage with petroleum. Am I right? Do i win a prize? No just a thousand days of cleaning and dreaming. Just like now. Just like how i made it this far and will keep doing so forever. I'm over all that pat on the back bullshit in any form. Hilarity is the story and i just keep laughing.

I Am Listening To My Demise

If in stunning fleeting suddenness it was all seen i would seem to be gorgeous. Glimpses seen and caught on the sly and fly. But there was the issue of a forgotten world. A gaze of wonderment and confused attempts at reminiscences. It will be this speedily simple sweet to no known or cared for point. It all happen much quicker then planned but you know the bestiality implications of mice and men. My art has been debased at the petty needs of stupidity. Its a cold day in this sauna i call home. Where else though? She looked away. Guess guys with trash bags ain't her thing. Flowers and sickly gestures you hate it but damn it sure could be worse. All i can piece together was the necessity of windshield wipers on the interior of that car. Hard to see in a tumult like that. But i saw you. There you were and then you were gone. Not as ignorant or naive as i pretend to be. Too much bullshit cons in the world for the innocent elegance of naivety. Gaiety thats the mind unbound hot and bombing. Weaving and critiquing my fellow damned man. Scoping and wishing to seize but stopping short. A wall of flaw in my midst. So it just happens this daily re-creation is a ghetto of recreation. I prefer laboratories with vial and eye droppers. Dangerous chemicals that cause physical abnormalities. Laughing the whole time. Experiments upon tests upon experiment. Laboratory testing on animals isn't cruel. Well except when i am drunk and go a little overboard. That is all i want and somehow this cycle of unhappiness continues. I only brake for compliments.

Could I Get A Sleep Time In Here

Barreled from the northern hinterlands we all had somehow manifested from. You wanted to roll with me? Well deep is the only way i know. So hop on this bandwagon and reread these past utterances because tomorrow we will be dead. At least it seems that way. Oh shit they stopped. I thought that decibel of baby killing was a standard in some communities. Low and dry fellows bracing for the storm. I'm just waiting for this dude to request my services at the front gate. You said I smelled amazing but then you never wanted to cash in on your offers. I would have laid there for days. You and me. Awful people watching shitty cable and pausing to have nasty sex every hour or so. Until you got to sore for it Like that one time you cried and I loved the way your hair covered certain parts of you. Woah!

Do You Realize That You Have The Most Wonderful Taste?

Dread and groaning in the smoke filled rooms. It was his mistake let him splish and splash about. I wish i was in a bad situation like that. We ride. Its awkward as a one legged stripper and all i do is nod my head in agreement. Just like her when you are drunk and yer wang is being sent for a ride on the teeter-totter. I had a lot of stuff to remember on this side of unreality. We talked for a long time. I enjoyed it a bit too much and you just moved on. But what else can i expect. It is all so funny. I wish that you would be the pitiful one getting on with it like we had imagined them doing so long ago. And i have all these memories but I'm not sure if they are reality. Its a nice repetitive cadence. I don't and yet simultaneously do get where you are coming from and going to. I told you something and it was supposed to make you jealous. But your situation undid me. And then my situation was undoing you. And we all stood together miles apart in a circle vomiting together. Attempting in our retching some sort of incest-like bliss. All we found was paranoia. Do you realize that you sometimes have the ugliest face? Whiskey and beers deep i find myself look at you and i am just looking at a monster. Its scary i usually just go to sleep. It is my pitiful defense mechanism. And tomorrow or today should we say is just me coming to glimpse quickly at your repetitiveness. Laughing and wondering what became of all it. You are at my side and I want to enjoy it. But it is so damn hard to feel really strong again. So you would cry if you saw this. Its just two guys not listening to doom in a car going wherever in the unimportant routine of people who know each other. But miles north you and him embrace and pull some bullshit. Keep on lying. I will see through it all. Yearn and beg but it seems you aren't as observant as i. Not bragging or complaining. Hell i am just an animal all pricked up ears and everything. Dreaming and watching but always wandering towards a state of perpetually wondering. You figure this out for me and i will buy you a sandwich. We can stare vaguely at the girl in the food truck as she prepares it. It is just a disconnected recollection of this time when i was drunk and young and an animal just wishing for a future but only finding a bunch of people in the extremely slow throes of nihilistic death... ugh..........